Demons in my Eyes
by Chase Mihael Keehl
Summary: After surviving Kira and finally getting a taste of normal life. Mello is confronted by demons from his past. Matt stands by to help , but what kind of a journey will be waiting in the wings for them. Based on the song "Demons" by Imagine Dragons. Contains adult themes, blood and disturbing descriptions. Read with caution.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This story is partially influenced from the song "Demons" by Imagine Dragons, but it is also very much influenced by my real life. I have had multiple personality disorder for many years and until about a 3 years ago I had to be incredibly medicated. It took a lot of therapy to be controlled without the drugs. This story will highlight some things that happened during the worst of my episodes.**

**Please review. Thanks!**

Mello sat in front of the T.V, boots heavily resting on the coffee table. Matt was out somewhere doing something or another. The blonde stared at the box before him. The screen was black and the apartment was quiet. He was bored…for the first time in years. He felt safe and bored as hell.

It had been nearly 3 months since they had somehow escaped certain death. Matt had managed to outrun the Kira supporters eventually finding Mello just before the fire broke out. He spent quite some time performing CPR when Mello suddenly came to. They both had speculated that when the fire consumed the truck it burned the paper Takada had used to write his name. Maybe that saved him? They didn't really know, but they were thankful none the less.

"_Well, a moment of peace for the little bitch." _A voice chimed in his head.

Blue eyes closed as he started to get up. His body locked and he was forced back down.

"_No, no. We won't be needing those today." _The voice now left his own throat.

Matt suddenly walked in, humming the Mario theme. Mello snapped out of it and shook his head.

"Hey Mells, I got you some chocolate and Mc Donald's" The redhead beamed, setting bags on the counter.

"Thanks." The leather clad man stood.

Everything seemed fine as they ate and chatted. Mello forgot he should take his pill because everything was just fine. The blonde stayed in the kitchen while his lover fired up his video games.

The sounds of war echoed through the house while Matt shouted at players on Call of Duty. It was loud enough that the redhead didn't hear the sound of a drawer in the kitchen being opened.

Mello reached for a large serrated bread knife and looked it over. He slid his thumb along the blade, smiling as a thin red line appeared.

"_Haven't gotten to do this in a bit aye?" The voice in his head rejoiced._

Blue eyes scanned the pale flesh of his left arm and made note of the lack of blemishes. He pushed the edge of the blade deep into the soft tissue before dragging it down. Hot blood bubbled and seeped from the wound. It was deep enough that it should have hurt, but it didn't.

A cold shiver trailed up his spine, his mind struggling for control. Another slice, deeper and longer paralleled the first. Each cut made him shake with absolute pleasure.

"_That's it. You miss this don't you?" A whisper was leaving his lips._

Matt was too far gone in his game to make any note of what was occurring behind him. Once his arm looked like a slaughter house floor he set the knife down and slowly wandered to the bathroom. A trail of crimson dots followed him.

Once locked in the bathroom he stared at his reflection. The mirror was clean and the lighting was bright. The overall cheeriness of the room suddenly infuriated the man within Mello and he punched the glass. It shattered and showered the counter and floor with large shards. Still Matt heard nothing.

"_You thought you were rid of me. You'll never be alone Mello." _His own voice sounded different.

Blood and glass littered the previously pristine floor. A low rumbling laughed escaped his lips.

Suddenly a knock, "Mells?"

Mello flung the door open with a chesire grin_, "Matty, Matty, Matty. You know how I've never told you me real name?"_

"What the hell is with your voice? You sound Irish. Why are you bleeding?" Matt was confused, lifting his goggles to see better.

"_Do remember why I never tell you me real name?"_

"You don't remember it or something?" Matt recalled.

"_Aye. Isn't it amazing how the brain works? Years and years of trauma suppressed into the depths of nothingness? You know. He never forgot his name; it's always been right here." _He said tapping the side of his head with his bloody arm.

"Okay, seriously Mells, you're freaking me out and I think you need help."

Mello suddenly grabbed Matt by the throat and shoved him into the wall, "_It bothers you to see the real me doesn't it. The parts of me that hide behind me eyes. The real Mihael Keehl."_

"Mihael Keehl?" Matt whispered against the tightening grip on his neck.

For just a moment they stared at each other before the blonde collapsed against him. The loss of blood taking its toll.

When Mello finally opened his eyes a bright light glared down on him. "Fucking shit."

Matt sprung to his feet and flipped the light switch off so the groggy man could see. They were in a hospital. An IV line ran into the blonde's arm, infusing him with the much needed fluid.

"You okay Mells?"

The sound of his lover's voice was fuzzy, his body felt heavy. This was an old feeling he was used to. The feeling of the antipsychotics weighing him down. He tried to speak, but words couldn't be formed.

"Mello, how come you never told me about these?" Matt held an orange bottle of pills so he could see.

Blue eyes looked over the secret he had kept for so long. Again he failed to speak, shrugging his heavy shoulders instead.

A tall man in a lab coat came in, his hands firmly in his pockets. "Oh good you're awake."

As the doctor checked him over he spoke certainly, "You did a number to yourself Mr. Keehl."

Mello blinked, why was that name familiar?

"Doc, what happened?"

Mello began to realize where he was. Were they in England? How long had he been asleep?

"- and it appears that the lack of excitement and stress prompted his brain to need the stimulation. According to his records from when you were younger he was pretty medicated for PTSD, Psychosis, and MPD."

Mello missed the first part, but recalled slightly what he was talking about. They were back at Whammy House, but why? How? What happened? He tried to move his left arm, but winced in pain.

"Mells, you can't move that arm. It needs to heal." The redhead soothed his boyfriend's good arm, minding the IV.

"M-Matt…whe- here?"

"We are home at Whammy. You got really sick and I got Roger to transfer us from LA."

Mello fought to clear his fogged mind, but the weight of the drugs pushed him deeper into the fog. He fell back to sleep.

Again he woke up, more aware of what was around him this time, "Matt?"

The gamer looked up from his hand held and smiled, "Hey. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit on a hot sidewalk. What happened?"

Matt chuckled and helped Mello sit up, propping the bed up with him, "Well…you went Freddy Kruger on your arm, broke a mirror, tried to choke me and did you know your name is Mihael Keehl? You're Russian or German or some shit, but can nail an Irish accent like the Lucky Charms man?"

Mello blinked, "What?"

"Do you remember being on medication for psychosis?"

Blonde hair was a matted mess as he nodded his head.

"Well…ever since we escaped from Kira and he was killed life has been a bit boring right?"

Again another nod.

"Well apparently the inner you doesn't like that and wants to stir the shit pot. We get to hang out in England until you get better. Is that okay?"

Blue eyes spontaneous began to cry, "I'm sorry."

Matt crawled onto the bed and held the only person he had ever loved, "You don't' have to be. There is no need."

"I kept it a secret. I didn't want anyone to know how broken I am." Mello slumped into the warm arms.

"I know, but now we can make it better okay?"

They rocked lightly together, Matt holding Mello tightly. It wasn't going to be a short journey and God only knew it wasn't going to be a flat and straight road either.

"I swear I will do everything I can for you okay Mells?" Matt rubbed his back caringly.

"Thank you." The muffled expression of gratitude escaped the sobs.

**A/N More to come.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thank you to those who reviewed. I always appreciate that. So this story will touch some pretty deep things in my life and there will be some fiction as well. I will not say which is real and which is not, but enjoy.**

Several days had passed without much incident. Roger even went as far as letting the men sleep in their old rooms. Everything seemed normal and calm.

Mello sat at the window, staring at the children below. Matt had gone to get lunch for both of them. The room was secured of anything Mello could use to hurt himself with, so he was trusted to be alone from time to time.

"_I know you miss the simpler days." _Mello spoke with an Irish accent to himself.

"_You miss havin' the only worry bein' studies and chores. It's alright ya know. Missin' the old days. Life has calmed down now and you can't handle it. We'll keep him at baby. I promise."_

Mello sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, "I know."

Matt entered the bed room quietly.

"Thank you, Zach." Mello spoke to himself with his normal tone.

"Who's Zach?" Matt asked.

Mello jumped a bit. His eyes looked at Matt, afraid he'd be judged.

"Um…"

The redhead sat next to Mello and kissed his cheek, "You can tell me anything. Really. I don't think you're crazy."

"Zach, is one of the personalities. He's been around the longest and he keeps the others at bay." Blue eyes looked down at his hands.

"So your guardian of sorts?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Matt smiled and handed Mello a sandwich. They ate quietly, watching the world outside.

"It's nice to be back huh?" Matt laid his head in Mello's lap. "To have some normalcy back."

"I guess so."

"Mells? Do you remember anything from your childhood before Whammy?"

"A little bit. I remember my parents were incredibly abusive and my older sister did….things. I don't recall a lot of specifics, but I know before they died Zach came out."

"Does he make you feel safe?"

"Yeah. When he is around I feel calmer. The others go away and I am settled."

"Who are the others?"

"The one from the incident is Mihael. I guess he assumed my real name when I forgot it. Then there is Carrick, he doesn't do much. Last is Little One….I don't know if he has an actual name or not, but when he comes out it's never good."

"What happens when he comes out?" Matt asked as he lit a cigarette.

"I don't know. I've been told I act like a scared child."

"Why are they Irish?"

Mello laughed, "Well. What research I was able to pull up. I guess my parents were both Russian, but immigrated to Ireland before I was born. I assume the personalities picked up the accent that way. I was exposed to it a lot."

"I see. Well, what do you want to do today?"

Silence filled the space around them as Mello thought quietly. His eyes watched as a car pulled up out front. A heavy set woman stepped out of it. The blonde looked closely and suddenly panicked. He shoved Matt out of his lap and ran out the door and down the hall.

"Mello!" Matt chased after him.

Years of smoking took a toll on the redhead's lungs and he lost the foot race with his lover. Mello ducked into a closet and cowered down in the corner.

Matt headed down stairs and went to the front door where Roger was greeting the heavy woman.

"Hello, I'm in search of a man that may have at one time been in your care." She said steadily.

"What is the name?" Roger asked.

"Mihael Keehl."

Matt raised a brow and stared at the woman.

"Yes, we had a child with that name at one point. That was many years ago." Roger smiled.

"Do you know where I can make contact with him?"

Matt stepped forward, "Who are you?"

"I am his sister."

Goggled eyes snapped to Roger, "Can I talk to you in your office?"

"One moment Matt." He turned back to the woman, "He is actually here now. He fell ill and returned for care. Would you like to see him?"

Matt grabbed Roger and dragged him into his office, "No. No. No. She can't see him. The minute Mello saw her get out of the car he flipped out and disappeared. She can't be here."

"What? You don't know where he went?" Roger looked worried.

"No. He outran me."

Roger went back into the main lobby and the woman was gone.

"Great…" Matt sighed. "You find her. I'll find Mello."

They split up and went searching for the two. It took nearly 30 minutes, but Matt finally found them both. She had Mello by the wrist and he was screaming bloody murder.

"Let him go!" The redhead shouted.

"He isn't well and needs to come home with me. Family can care for him better than this place."

"He is a grown adult and can care for himself." Matt growled.

"Clearly not. He is hiding in a closet for crying out loud." She turned and whispered to her brother, "Come home with Sissy and I'll take care of you just like before."

Mello suddenly fell quiet and looked down at his feet.

"Mells?" Matt whispered.

"Mihael, let's go home." The woman ordered.

Slowly Mello lifted his head, his eyes bloodshot and pupils wide. He inched his hand to the back of his pants. In a swift motion a blade was lodged into the fat woman's throat and dragged along the front of her neck.

"Fuck! Mello stop!" Matt tackled him.

All three hit the floor in a spatter of blood and demonic laughs.

Mello just started splashing in the pool of blood that accumulated around them. Matt, covered in the same mess, scooted back against a wall, watching the disaster in front of him.

The woman choked on her own blood before losing enough to kill her. The lifeless form oozed the last of the liquid before Mello stopped playing in it.

Roger rounded the corner and gasped at the scene.

Yet again Mello woke up feeling heavy. The room was dark and he was alone. This time there was no one at his bed side.

He tried to sit up but his body felt stuck. There was no sound around him. Not even the voices in his head. Everything was dead silent. How he hated the silence.

His voice cracked as he screamed, driven mad from the lack of sound. He couldn't even hear his own commotion.

A doctor and nurse ran in and gave him more medication through the IV in his arm.

"Shhh, It's okay now. Relax. The nurse calming whispered."

Then it was over, he was asleep again.

**A/N A fun filled little chapter ne? Thanks for reading. More to come.**


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